Dearest “Won’t Let Go”,

My heart becomes heavier as I begin to listen to you, but almost instantly I’m transported into the world of the brilliant, complex mind and emotions that created these remarkable compositions. I lose myself in it.

I absolutely love this album, not just as his proud mum, but because it’s beautifully composed, passionate, powerful music that’s unforgettable. He sings all the vocals and plays every instrument except drums. On each track I hear the different style and moods of these thirteen songs, intrigued by the meaning. The lyrics are pure poetry. The songs keep spinning around in my head incessantly.

Listening to the songs is as close to Nick as is possible now. I feel very near, because these are deeply personal, intimate compositions that come from the pit of his soul. He draws us in, holding nothing back. It’s as if he wrote this music as his legacy, throwing caution to the wind to reveal his true talents and innermost thoughts!

First surprise is his falsetto vocals in “Cold Chills”. They’re as angelic as a boy-chorister’s, ranging down to deep baritones on “chills”. The poignant imagery of “Snowing hard and I can’t see my feet
But I won’t be afraid
No I won’t feel a thing” has the underlying current of melancholy and regret but as always with
Nick’s music, like his personality, there’s overriding courage, wit and optimism. Here he’s not afraid
to confront his pain and see the way forward. The snow will melt, like his fears.

In hospital. the day he received his first dose of Chemo, Nick played Cold Chills to me through his Sonos speaker. He was always modest to a fault but obviously proud of that composition and touched that I wanted to hear it over and over. He was keen to know whether the lyrics could be heard properly - they had to be audible. I reassured him they were clear although their profound messages would take a bit of understanding! 

Many of these songs are love poems – Nick is the supreme romantic. The harmony he creates in
“Won’t Let Go”, his homage to Tia, and the swelling strings of LA’s Section Quartet are achingly
beautiful. In “Sunshine On Its Way” the pedal effects are masterful but it’s his sublime guitar melody
that always bring tears to my eyes. So does the heart-beat rhythm of “Shapes In The Dark” and the
closing verse of “Not In Her Way”,
“She’s not sure if she’ll take me
She will she won’t she might
And who am I to fight.”

Then there are songs of lost or discarded loves, as in “Without You” with its rollicking groove and “Never Say” about his contempt for the narcissist and user.

 

Nick loved the freedom that cars offered and some of the songs on the album use driving as a metaphor. I love the urgent opening chords of the second track “Drive” that seem to have youpushing through the traffic, compared with the meandering melody that follows - a dig at the
subject who is hesitant, uncertain, stunted.
“Drive even if you don’t know where
At least you will be far from here.”

 

And there’s the driving instrumental start of “Sweet Sixteen” that takes me on its grand tour, albeit
transitioning to a more subdued rhythm and confronting message in
“Don‘t come near my car babe
This machine can’t take your weight
Because it’s old and it’s over honey
Find yourself another driver.”
Ending with powerful chords that are suggestive of that person getting their just desserts and
walking home!

A month after Nick passed away in April 2021, sound engineer Tony Buchen began mixing Cold Chills
in his Camperdown studio. I sat in with a group of his close musician friends, making sure the voice
was lifted, the words coming to the surface, producing the clarity he wished for.

Hey Nick, like the rest of your album, Cold Chills is a work of art! I hope you realised how brilliant you
were.

While there’s often no sense to life, these songs remind me of the sublime pleasures you found in
nature, love and relationships that inspired you to compose and lay bare your soul. They’re simply
balm to my soul and I’ve come to know you even better through them.

You live on in your music and I can’t get enough of it. With all my heart, this is my love letter to
“Won’t Let Go”.

What a magnificent legacy you left.

​

Helen Wellings